Mourning for the Dead

1. When a woman has been issued with a talâqur raj'î, her ‘iddah is that she cannot leave her home until the expiry of the period of ‘iddah nor can she marry anyone in this period. It is permissible for her to beautify and adorn herself.
As for the woman who has been issued three talâqs, one talâqul bâ’in, or her nikâh has broken in some other way - the ruling in all these cases is that such a woman cannot leave her home until the expiry of her ‘iddah, she cannot marry anyone in this period nor can she beautify or adorn herself. All these things are harâm upon her. Abstaining from this self-beautification and remaining in a dishevelled and unkempt manner is known as mourning.

2. As long as the ‘iddah is not completed, it is harâm to carry out the following acts:
(a) to apply perfume
(b) to scent clothing
(c) to wear jewellery and ornaments
(d) to wear or suspend flowers (eg. from the hair)
(e) to apply surmah (antimony)
(f) to redden the mouth by eating betel leaves
(g) to rub tooth powder (with the intention of colouring the teeth)
(h) to apply oil to the head
(i) to comb the hair
(j) to apply henna
(k) to wear beautiful clothes
(l) to wear silk, dyed or colourful clothes.
However, if the clothes are not colourful, it will be permissible to wear them irrespective of what colour they may be. The condition is that they must not be clothes that are used to beautify oneself.

3. If a woman who is in mourning experiences a headache and therefore feels it necessary to apply oil on her head, she may do so as long as the oil is free of any fragrance. It is also permissible to apply surmah if it is applied as a medication. However, this surmah will have to be applied at night and removed the following morning. It is also permissible to massage the head or to have a bath. When necessary, it is also permissible to comb the hair, e.g. after massaging the head or in order to remove some lice that may have fallen onto the head. However, she should not allow her hair to hang down over her face or forehead in a stylish way nor should she use a very fine comb which causes the hair to become smooth and glossy. Instead, she should use a comb with large teeth so that no beauty may become apparent.

4. Mourning the death of the husband is only wâjib on a woman who is mature and not on an immature girl. All the above restrictions and prohibitions are permissible for an immature girl. However, she is still prohibited from leaving the home or entering into another marriage.

5. Mourning is not wâjib on a woman who had entered into an invalid marriage, whose nikâh was not performed in the proper manner and was therefore separated from her husband or her husband passed away.

6. It is not permissible for a woman to mourn the death of anyone apart from her husband's death. However, if her husband does not stop her, it will be permissible to mourn the death of one of her close relatives for up to three days and not more. It is absolutely harâm to mourn for more than three days. If her husband prevents her from mourning even for three days, she cannot do so for these three days as well.

Bahishti Zewar, Author: Shaykh Ashraf Ali Thanwi ,Pg 202

 

The Rights of the Husband

Allah Ta‘âlâ has given great rights to the husband and has attached a lot of virtue to him. Pleasing the husband and keeping him happy is a great act of ‘ibâdah and displeasing him or keeping him unhappy is a major sin.
1. Rasûlullâh sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: "The woman who offers her five times salât, fasts in the month of Ramadân, protects her honour and respect, and obeys her husband has the choice of entering jannah from whichever door she wishes to enter from." This means that from the eight doors of jannah she can enter through whichever door she wishes without even having to knock on that door.

2. Rasûlullâh sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: "The woman who passes away in such a state that her husband is pleased with her will enter jannah."

3. Rasûlullâh sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: "Were I to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded the woman to prostrate to her husband. If the husband orders his wife to carry the boulders of one mountain to the next mountain, and the boulders of the next mountain to a third mountain, she will have to do this."

4. Rasûlullâh sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: "When the husband calls his wife, she should go immediately to him even if she is busy at her stove." In other words, no matter how important a task she may be busy with, she should leave it and go to him.

5. Rasûlullâh sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: "When a man calls his wife to engage in sexual intercourse with him and she does not go and because of this he sleeps away angrily, the angels continue cursing this woman till the morning."

6. Rasûlullâh sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: "When a woman troubles or displeases her husband in this world, the hûr of jannah that has been set aside for him says: "May Allah curse you! Do not trouble him. He is your guest for a few days. Soon he will leave you and come to me."

7. Rasûlullâh sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: "There are three types of people whose salât is not accepted, nor is any other good act of theirs accepted. One is a slave who runs away from his master. The second is a woman whose husband is displeased with her. The third is a person who is in a state of intoxication."

8. A person asked: "Who is the best woman?" Rasûlullâh sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam replied: "The best woman is one who pleases her husband when he looks at her, when he asks her to do something she obeys him, and she does not do anything that may displease him with regard to his wealth and honour."
One of the rights of the husband is that the wife should not keep any optional fasts nor offer any optional salât in his presence without his permission. Among the rights of the husband is that she should not remain in an untidy, dishevelled state. Instead, she should
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always remain clean and beautiful for her husband. In fact, if she remains untidy and dishevelled despite her husband ordering her to remain clean, he has the right of beating her (lightly) in order that she may obey him. Another right of the husband is that she should not leave the house without his permission irrespective of whether it be the house of a friend, relative or anyone else.
Bahishti Zewar, Author: Shaykh Ashraf Ali Thanwi ,Pg 206-207